its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
