I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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