just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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