he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
