You smell like stripper and shame
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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