i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
