Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
