so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
