Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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