Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
