First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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