yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
