dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
