I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
