Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
