get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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