It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
