Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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