I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
