How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize