she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
