he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
