i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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