i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
