we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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