Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
