Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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