Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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