Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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