Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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