I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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