Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
