Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
