it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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