nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
