Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
