Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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