oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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