im drinking this country out of the recession.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
