guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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