I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need a beard to bite.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
