I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
