Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
