She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
