she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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