I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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