How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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