I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
