So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
