doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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