seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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