I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He passed out mid-signature
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
