when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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