dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
