it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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