And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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