just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
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He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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