4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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