tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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