i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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