you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
