Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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