hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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