You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
