who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
