You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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