on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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