i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
