i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
