Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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