Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
