Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
