I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
