I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I love having hate sex.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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