Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
