I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
