I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
