dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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