i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
