Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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