Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
