he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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