at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
